A Drunken Madman

I know a story of a remarkable man whose deeds were legend. He constantly impressed his companions with his insights, and they often came to him for advice - as did complete strangers. He travelled, solving dilemmas, performing great deeds, advising both rich and poor and spreading his fame, far and wide.

His advice was always good, though often it seemed gnomic and mysterious when first bestowed. He possessed insight far beyond that of an ordinary man. The years of his youth are shrouded in mystery, but his adulthood is very well documented, in personal testimony, copies of which are found in many homes to this day. The four major volumes and numerous shorter texts testify to a man possessed of rare, some say miraculous, nay superhuman, skill.

Then one day, at the height of his fame, he died, a horrible death. His companions mourned, and all appeared lost.

But, Lo! Soon afterwards he returned, as though resurrected!

Although at first his closest friends failed to recognise him, they came to know that it was indeed he, come back among them, when he offered indisputable proof. He went on to perform more great deeds, and today he is a revered figure in certain circles. Much has been written about him in the years since. Even now people travel from all over the world to visit his home and wonder at this remarkable man.

And this is why, at intervals, I like to remember...

Sherlock Holmes.

Episode 5

Episode 6

 Yes, it's true. Meryl is an HIV denier too. She's tried to paint herself as an honest questioner, but after she's been handed evidence and research and is still asking the questions that research has answered, the only applicable label is "denialist".

So, there we have it. Meryl Dorey: conspiracy theorist and AIDS denialist.

Ooooooh, That Meryl!

[Here's a post I wrote and never published a while ago. My job has since changed, but you can't escape the voodoo]

I'll get this out of the way immediately. I do not like formal "business dress". Shirts, ties and proper trousers shit me to tears. I feel uncomfortable and as a result I am less effective. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. I also don't trust "suits" as far as I can throw them.

I work in IT. I do complicated magic with computer software, for which I'm paid quite a lot of money. I've been doing this for over ten years and in all that time I've probably only spent two or three months at proper "shirt and tie" businesses. I just don't feel comfortable and if a new opportunity has come up elsewhere, I've taken it. The job I'm in right now looks like it might become the longest-lasting "dress-code" post I've ever held. I quit a slightly more formal job which hypothetically paid more money in order to take this one.

Most of my days are spent in a cubicle or a server room, grinding away at documentation or software configuration or arcane architecture considerations. When I'm not doing that, I might be developing code, doing housekeeping like timesheets or corporate training, or maybe researching what's new in the field. Sometimes, I'm just slacking off waiting for some kind of response from somewhere else. Maybe one or two days a month I have some kind of meeting that might require formality. Occasionally, that may become more frequent, but I still don't meet with anyone outside the business for days at a time. I have many compatriots in the industry who are in the same boat. I am surrounded, every day, by people who do complicated magic with software completely out of sight, and what the fuck? They're all wearing shirts and ties and business slacks.

Because there's a blanket policy that says "this is what you'll wear".

But I am, most of the time, invisible. No-one outside of my business unit sees me for days on end, weeks even. Most of my interaction is done by phone, or email, or chat.

Why, then, do I need to labour under the "smart corporate dress" policy if I'm, for most of my career, a voice at the end of a phone line, or a smartly-typed string of characters? Why, indeed, does this policy exist in the first place?

My conclusion is this: It's a corporate superstition.

Let's look at the rational reasons why one may want to present a so-called "professional face"

• Meeting with a client, or may be called unexpectedly to a client meeting.
• Doing some kind of public event.
• ...

Sitting at a desk punching code or designing technical documentation? No suit required.

Even the above examples fall down to some extent. I'm a techie. A software engineer. Who's going to really care at a public event if I'm wearing a t-shirt with a SharePoint logo on it?  I'm the guy who rolls up his sleeves (when I'm wearing sleeves) and builds shit, or fixes it when it's broken. Most of the people around me are remote workers. They don't even meet the customers they're labouring away for.

Why, then?

I think it's done because "that's how business is done". That's the way business has always done it. In other words, tradition. And what do we call a tradition with no rational purpose or foundation? Superstition.

It's corporate voodoo. An unfounded belief that a workforce in ties is somehow a more effective workforce.

I can't speak for anyone other than myself, but I am less effective when I'm uncomfortable, and business clothes, frankly, make me uncomfortable.

The concession I'm willing to make? Smart black denim jeans, and an open-collar black shirt. No tie. Think yourselves lucky you're getting that. This is not a fashion parade. If it's a very important client, I'll wear a jacket, but it's a no-lapel pinstripe, and I won't be keeping it on beyond the handshakes. OK?

So far it seems to be getting me by. I suspect the entire business unit also thinks shirt and tie is a dumb idea. I live in hope for a day when the decision makers realise that their clever, expensive, effective IT guys can be trusted to choose their own outfits*, but I don't hold out a lot of hope. Superstitions have a way of hanging around.

*exceptions must be made for some people I know in the industry. There ARE people who can't be trusted...