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What do you mean, other skills?
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Please join me in declaring today, the 5th of July 2011, the first ever National Yell "Get a Fucking Job" at a Priest Day.
I, myself, do enjoy occasionally blurting such missives at the clergy. For example, this morning as I passed an unsuspecting black-clad dress-wearing clerical gentleman on my morning commute, I took a deep breath, readied my vocal chords and declared, in a loud clear voice through the open window of my car, "GET A FUCKING JOB"*.
I'm sure he has taken on board the careers advice from the kindly fellow in the speeding red car and is even now down at Centrelink, searching the vacancies board for something rewarding, remunerative and, most importantly, unrelated to telling lies and extorting donations based on the carrot of an imaginary afterlife and the stick of a non-existent hell for a living.
It is hoped that this special day, to be held annually on this date, will remind members of the public of their responsibility to dispense advisory messages to priests on a more regular basis, whether it be on the street, at the supermarket, or at church. Once the message is firmly implanted in the minds of the public, we hope that priests, vergers, rectors, bishops, archbishops and deacons will begin to heed the message that their industry is no longer relevant to the world at large and that they may be of more use to society as, say, shelf stackers, street sweepers, telesales assistants or first level technical support for budget PC manufacturers.
Further down the track, this campaign can be taken internationally, eventually reaching, for example, the populace of Rome, who are strongly encouraged to head at once to the Vatican, where they should proceed to yell "Nullam a eros" at the pontiff's window. Or "ottenere un lavoro". Or perhaps even "einen Job zu bekommen", since His Oiliness is in fact a German. And not a former senator from the old republican member planet of Naboo who took over the machinery of galactic government in a well-executed conspiracy, declaring himself 'emperor' and instituting a reign of conservative catholic values. Definitely not.
Remember, this is a pro-active campaign and it cannot bear fruit without the enthusiastic participation of you, the general public. Remember the three 'B's when you spot a likely clerical target:
- Breathe (get a good lungful of air),
- Bellow (shout as loudly as you can: "GET A FUCKING JOB") and
- Beer (treat yourself, you've carried out a moral and ethical act).
You may, of course, substitute the more generic "Beverage" for the last 'B' if, like myself, you are participating in Dry July.
We look forward to a happy future when not even the lowliest subdeacon remains untouched by our message of gainful re-employment. From friar to pope, this message must be spread. To you we say "GET A FUCKING JOB"
Our eventual target is of course to achieve 100% re-employment for outgoing clergy, be they priest, vicar, imam or rabbi. They may, perhaps rightly, worry about their lack of real-world skills, but as we say here at NYGAFJAAPD headquarters, everyone has their own special skill.
Just not in childcare, thank you very much.
* It is important to note here that "fucking" is not used in its sense as a verb. Rather, as an adjectival stressor. We apologise for any confusion caused.
posted @ Tuesday, July 5, 2011 2:56 PM