In today's so-off-the-wall-it's-funny news, Ted Haggard, disgraced jesus-nut pastor of New Life Church in Colorado springs, who you'll remember was caught out fucking a male prostitute on methamphetamine, has returned to the public eye claiming he's now completely closeted straight.
This just really goes to show that religio-nuts are just crazy. They're mentally ill and need help from reputable, rational sources, not some unnamed jesus-freak brainwashing centre in Arizona.
OK, that's enough sympathy for the maniacs. Ted, just give up. Admit that the whole jesus thing is bollocks and move to godless San Francisco, where you'll get all the succulent man-meat you ever wanted, and a near-limitless supply of meth to enjoy it on. And once a year, come to Sydney and participate in Mardi Gras, then afterwards get buggered round the back of the Oxford by leather-clad strangers. You know you want to. Go on... Man Meat... MAN MEAT!!
Oh, and courtesy of The Onion, a glimpse of Ted Haggard's potential future.